On Stillness
A couple of weeks ago, I felt I was up against a wall. I needed a break from everything so I took some time off from work. One of my friends asked me if I wanted to come to Montreal, and another asked me if I wanted to come to DC. I thanked them both but declined. I knew in that moment that the last thing I wanted to do was to get on a plane. I wanted to be home alone and to disconnect from everything. This was a bit unusual for someone who loved being anywhere but home whenever I had time off from work.
During those initial days away from work, I told myself I’ll use this as an opportunity to get to know Toronto more; I even challenged myself to find a new coffee shop everyday. That all lasted for a day. I realized more than anything that what I really wanted was stillness.
Truth is, I’m very good at being still when I travel to new places. I love slow travel so for me, a successful trip is one where I have at least spent an afternoon in a cafe people watching or eavesdropping. However, I don’t actually know how to be still. How to sit at home without any real agenda. Without the need to escape.
It got me thinking; why is it so hard to be still? Why are we constantly moving or feel the need to be “productive”? Why is movement a measure of success for the passage of time? Isn’t spending time alone at home equally a successful thing, if not more profound? Stillness challenges you. It asks you to be present. To listen. To take in what’s going on around you. To question yourself.
During this period, I realized that I barely listened to music — whether I was home, on a lakeside walk, or walking around downtown. I got to know myself more. I got familiar with my thought processes. I noticed a lot of new things about my surroundings. I felt more connected to my home. In many ways, this was so much more grounding than I could ever have imagined.
Movement — doing something new, visiting places, etc. — is good for us; it expands our worldview. Stillness is equally just as important; it challenges and expands our self-view, and our experience in this world.
